Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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