Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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