So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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