Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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