Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
