I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
