Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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