The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
