Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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