This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
