I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
