Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
