are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
