I want to make a zoo with you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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