i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I party with great urgency now.
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