I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
