and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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