I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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