Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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