so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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