Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
