Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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