Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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