just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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