btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
