The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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