YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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