I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
