We won't sleep together?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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