So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
