Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
