i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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