i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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