You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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