True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He shit in the fireplace
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
