It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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