Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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