I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
