I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
