All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
