Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
