Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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