can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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