Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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