any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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