Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
