please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours