Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.