Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year