he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need a beard to bite.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?