Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.