Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.