I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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