i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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