Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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