why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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