i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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