Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
