She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just googled if crying burns calories
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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