I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize