What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i dont even know how to be here
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
