dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
