I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
